The EnvisionaryIt may seem counterintuitive to suggest that seeking to optimise ourselves as much as possible actually leads to suboptimal results, but here’s why, and what self-optimisation really means.
In the relentless pursuit of personal excellence, many of us strive for the elusive goal of 100% self-optimisation. The idea of reaching perfection in every aspect of our lives is alluring, but the reality is quite different. In truth, aiming for 100% self-optimisation can lead to burnout and cause us to neglect our mental and physical well-being in other crucial areas when we over-focus on just one.
The pressure to excel in every sphere of life can lead to exhaustion, stress, and a lack of fulfillment, and instead of achieving true optimal living, we may find ourselves stuck in a cycle of never-ending dissatisfaction.
It’s time to explore a more balanced approach to optimal living – one that acknowledges the uniqueness of our minds and bodies.
The Perils of 100% Self-Optimisation Comes When We Don’t Strive For Balance
In reality, true optimal living is about finding a harmonious balance that works uniquely for each individual. What may be the perfect balance for one person might not be the same for another. We are all unique beings with different strengths, weaknesses, and circumstances. Embracing this reality allows us to let go of the unattainable pursuit of 100% self-optimization and focus on meaningful growth and progress instead.
If we consider the law of diminishing returns we see that the more you put into one thing the more you take away from other areas. There’s then also no time for allowing what you’ve learned to truly be imprinted on you, and you run the risk of overload and cramming, like a student trying to cram for an exam last minute and then messing it up. It would’ve been better to find time to relax their mind beforehand and likely would have done better. This is like going to the gym every day and doing the same muscles and then injuring yourself.
Here are a few examples of where thinking we have to get 100% in everything can backfire, and some mental techniques that could be implemented instead.
Technique 1: Embrace the Journey of Growth
Consider Sam, a fitness enthusiast who aimed for a perfectly sculpted physique. Sam spent countless hours at the gym, adhered to strict diets, and pushed the body to its limits. However, despite substantial progress, Sam felt unfulfilled and experienced burnout. It was not until Sam met a seasoned fitness trainer that the transformation began.
Guided by the trainer’s wisdom, Sam learned to appreciate the journey of growth. Rather than fixating on immediate perfection, Sam embraced the process of incremental improvement with smaller goals and little wins that didn’t overwhelm or take over. This shift in mindset allowed Sam to set realistic and sustainable fitness goals, leading to both physical and mental well-being.
Technique 2: Set Realistic and Sustainable Goals
In the pursuit of professional success, Sam was determined to be the best in every project at work. However, this singular focus on career advancement resulted in strained relationships and neglect of personal well-being.
With the help of a mentor, Sam realised the importance of setting realistic and sustainable goals, and started to eliminate actions that just weren’t leading him to those more balanced and desired goals. It’s easy to get into that trap of thinking we have to do everything and only enjoy the success when all is complete, which just becomes an impossible task considering there’s only so much time and energy we have.
By recognising that career success is just one aspect of life’s puzzle, Sam found a better balance between work and personal life. This newfound equilibrium led to increased productivity and overall satisfaction.
Technique 3: Cultivate Self-Compassion
In personal relationships, Sam struggled to meet everyone’s expectations, attempting to be a “perfect” friend, partner, and family member. The pressure to be everything to everyone took a toll on Sam’s mental health.
Sam began to cultivate self-compassion and stop people pleasing or seeking to gain approval from others, and instead began seeking acceptance from within. Accepting that nobody is perfect and that it’s okay to have flaws and not worry about mistakes or what others may think if he’s not ‘100%’ allowed Sam to form more authentic and fulfilling relationships. He became a lot more relaxed in himself which rubbed off on his demeanor when around others. He wasn’t competing all the time, or putting a front on. He was okay to see growth in others and learned to let go of thinking he had to be accepted as ‘great’ all the time.
This newfound self-acceptance enriched every aspect of Sam’s life.
As Sam embraced the concept of self-optimization as a unique journey, a profound transformation took place. No longer burdened by the pressure of 100% perfection, Sam discovered the beauty of balance and growth. By focusing on personal well-being, meaningful relationships, and fulfilling career goals, Sam’s life became an inspiring tale of progress and contentment.
Embrace Your Journey of Growth (& Strive For Optimal Living, Not Optimal Results)
In our quest for self-improvement, it’s crucial to let go of the unattainable pursuit of 100% self-optimisation. Instead, we must embrace our uniqueness and find the balance that works best for us. Setting realistic goals, cultivating self-compassion, and enjoying the journey of growth lead to a fulfilling and purposeful life.
You may read this and think that you can only optimise yourself through being a ‘winner’ who never quits and that rest is for the weak etc. Or that your business won’t generate profit or solve problems if you don’t keep trying to run so hard to fix everything. However, most problems are solved with a clear head and not a frazzled mind. When fear, or the persistent masking of fear’ runs you (which it does with perfectionism) then you never release it and your energy depletes through stress, which means that you’ll never have optimal energy, so your aim of hitting 100% becomes a bit of a contradiction.
It’s like thinking you can win the race by never stopping to refuel your car (like the tortoise and the hare), and then just run out of gas before you hit the finish line. You can often see people run by stress or fear by how they walk. Those pacing are often on high alert, and they will just burn through energy quicker rather than get to wherever they are going and solve the problem they need to clearly.
They will just be more hazy and likely to be more on edge, make more mistakes, and see this domino effect of chasing their tail and they are always fighting against themselves in their quest for getting things done.
What happens here is the limbic system heightens and blocks the passage to our prefrontal cortex to make clear decisions, and so we are actually better to slow down our mind and seek less pressured environments to make better decisions, or at least be able to make decisions under pressure if the surrounding environment can’t be changed.
The Key To Self-Optimisation Is Calm & Varied Repetition (One Focus At A Time)
It’s admirable to want to improve and succeed, but it needs calm and varied repetition to implement and ingrain incremental improvement.
For example, if you want to read faster so you can be more productive by giving yourself (in theory) more time to get through more books, you may be disgruntled to learn that your retention level would decrease with speed, mainly because you don’t allow time for active reflection.
There’s no point making mental or physical notes if we don’t read over them after. There’s no point in meditating to relieve stress if we don’t truly bring up the deeper trigger of the anxiety and let that go.
When we repeat with calm and active repetition that looks at what we are doing from different angles and perspectives then we start building up a bigger neural network of that particular skill or knowledge.
Then it becomes easier to build on that with something else after.
If we just think, ‘oh I need to read even more books today, so I need to go faster’, we won’t remember much at all as the limbic system will be in full panic mode, shutting off the executive functioning in our prefrontal cortex.
So, being calm under pressure means not rushing towards 100% so fast. After all, we tend to seek to fill extra space as soon as we have it, like how people seem to fill their houses up more each time more space is presented, and so we may be better off not seeking to do so much to get more (valuable and optimal productivity) done in the end.
By trying to optimise ourselves in everything we may just end up optimising our knowledge or skill in something we don’t even need or truly want to know anyway, and may even just be led by confirmation bias, so having the time to reflect and consider (instead of trying to just fill the room up) is very important.
Remember, the path to optimal living is a personal and ever-changing journey. If you desire guidance and support in discovering your unique balance, consider seeking the assistance of a coach. An adaptability coach can help you explore your strengths, navigate challenges, and uncover your unique path to a truly fulfilling and balanced work and personal life.